او که نمی دانست. نمی خواهم روزمرگی و ابتذال آخرین روزهای عمرم را بر هم زند. از این می ترسم که مرگ چیزی عامیانه و معمولی در خود داشته باشد. مرگ باید برای من بیگانه و نادر باشد. توماس مان
Suicide Room
Like every other thought this one began with a slight remark. One of his old friends had gone to suicide room. At that time the man didn’t know what suicide room is, it was like a bridge between him and all the things he had lost. He could remember the friend. He has gone to that bloody room after years of bearing his wretched life. Once he was happy, satisfied and full of life, of which he was empty now. Probably it was beckoning of death-not being bored from life- which made the friend kill him self. The man then remembered that there was a time that he liked his life but it seemed light years away now. Mankind with his fragile body and foolish stupid thoughts was a suicide room him self, and the world was full of these mobile rooms.
He had searched all his life he doesn’t know what, but he knows that he hasn’t gained anything anytime. May be his friend had not found anything too, but he had procured something and that was being free from this craving searching. Like all the other people they were little cracks in a very big destroyed wall. It was a volunteer martyr like death-if these words have a meaning after entering this room.
He could hear his footsteps going upstairs towards the suicide room. It was like reaching the last step of a ladder leading nowhere. Suicide room and some other rooms were in an ordinary lobby. Lobbies like this he had passed thousands of times in his life.
A brown door on which the words suicide room was printed and there was a notice beneath the words:
The death volunteer should drop the last body in the hole at the end of the room and then comeback to the location of the body. There is not much pain and death will happen rapidly
The man had nothing to think about, he had not gained anything in his life he could lose by death. His life was like an empty hole and every moment was like a hammer striking at his head. Here was the end of all daily habits and the start of something else, maybe something better. What did Dante say? Leave your hopes and ambitions and come in. he opened the door.
It was a big dark room in which the beam of the outside light had made a change: thousands of rats were running everywhere and some of them were eating something. There was his friend’s body on the floor. It didn’t have anything from knee down and it was blood allover his hands, chest and face.
He had a panic when he imagined that his body would be like this after his death, but there was the end of all fears or ambitions or do they differ anyway? He rushed the rats and bent down to carry the body. The face was chewed and he had just one eye, but the rest if the face was clear enough to identify him.
It was the man’s body not the friend’s. He tried so hard to remember his friend’s face but he couldn’t. All the faces were just he himself. It was like he had lived all his life in the center of a circle of him self. It was him lying on the floor and he didn’t know how long it has been like that, maybe from the first moment of his birth.
From the point he was standing it was just some steps to the door but he couldn’t make it, his feet were chewed by rats. He fell down with a wail.